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23rd March 2010

Tue, 10:45 am: old opinions

In a box of my mother's old things I found a tiny piece of a hand written letter, with an obituary for Dr. Robert Parke Chase from San Francisco. From the small bits of handwriting on the back I have gleaned that he was treating the person who kept the obit, presumably one of my relatives who lived in the city. I would like to imagine it was my great great grandfather Marcus Marks who was friends with Levi Strauss, but really it could have been anybody.
The obit was coming unglued and on the back I spied the following (partial) op ed piece from the San Francisco Chronicle:
"Wednesday June 25th, 1884 - Outlandish Names - Parents who can't give their children decent names ought not to have any. The other day a young man died in this city burdened with the name "Philadelphia Careless" and a boy named "Prosperous" was tragically run over by a wagon..."

It is weirdly comforting to me to know op-ed pieces were just as stupid one hundred and twenty six years ago as they are today, however any child I produce from here on out is now in grave danger of being named Philadelphia Careless.

Current Mood: hotdogs for breakfast


18th February 2010

Thu, 2:02 pm: Last time for fabric design...

Okay I have decided this is the last time I am going to bother you people with this. If I can't win this time then I have no business entering. It is a Steampunk Fabric design contest this time. There are not so many entries maybe I have a fighting chance. There are three pages and my design is the only one featuring Abe Lincoln:
THE GREAT STEAMANCIPATOR!
As always you can vote for more than one design if you feel moved. Thanks for your support!
*VOTE HERE*



21st January 2010

Thu, 11:55 am: Great Art - Small Business

This is Rosalie - theinnocence
I dig her in a way i am not sure I could articulate. I worked hard to be her friend because at the begining I kept forgetting that I had met her or where she lived because I was being a tool. I think it was I not remembering to be still and see the world. There were so many things coming at me at that time, so many people and I just didn't see her right away, like a tiny jewel half buried in the sand.
We love each other now though and she wants to start a business, some place where artists can go and make a living and be seen, a collection of jewels plucked up from the sand and put under glass.
She is selling all she has to make this happen, so please go look and buy if you feel moved and if you can't buy, wish her luck as we all need plenty of that these days.
http://theinnocence.livejournal.com/586770.html



14th January 2010

Thu, 1:34 pm: Magical new ways in which I fail

Not only did I NOT win the last Spoonflower fabric design contest I came in the bottom half of over 80 entries. However extreme humiliating failure only makes me more determined and for those of your keeping score, that makes me the most determined person in the world.

This time they wanted a "toile," oh they GOT a toile!
See the carnage here: http://vb.ly/1yyy
Vote here (it may not be on the first page)
http://vb.ly/1yyz
You just never know when a giant flying squirrel is going to turn on your ass...



3rd December 2009

Thu, 11:31 am: breaking Christmas

See the deal is - I am broken.
Unlike most healthy people I am completely unable to express love or affection in any kind of normal way lest I turn to a pillar of salt.
So I make things for people, overly elaborate and strange things. I think it is about forty percent upbringing and sixty percent people who have taken that information from me when I have uttered it and misused it in a really spectacular and scarring way.
So I spend most of time consumed in projects that I will never keep and sometimes will never see again and the weird part is, I HAVE to love it. If I don't love what I am making then I can't give it away, which means my house is littered with half finished projects that I despise. This of course leads me to believe that I have zero talent, the jury is still out on that.
I swear it is like a fucking Greek tragedy over here.

I just wanted to say it out loud to anyone who isn't clear about that, or anyone who ever got something from me and wondered what the hell it was or why they ended up with it.
If you haven't gotten anything from me thus far and are now wondering if I hate you, don't. It just means I haven't gotten to you yet. It is also possible I started something and decided it wasn't good enough. That happens a LOT.

Anyway I just finished something, it took forty three hours total and I screamed and clawed my face and gave up on it at least three times, but in the end I gave it away because that is the only way it can work for me.

I started with a German Christmas Pyramid. In case you aren't Euro trash like me and are unfamiliar they are wooden, rotate, and generally have the nativity happening somewhere in there. They look like this: Christmas Pyramid
I have loved them since I was a little girl and my mother was loathe to let me destroy ours. I finally found a reasonably priced source in October and bought two. I took the thing apart and popped all the little wooden figures off one by one. Baby Jesus was being stubborn and so I had to chip away at him with a screwdriver until he released his kung fu grip, came flying off like a bullet and lodged into my cactus.
There is something sort of satisfying about taking an innocent and simple Christmas decoration and turning it into something disturbing and wrong.

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Happy Holidays everybody!



27th November 2009

Fri, 4:32 pm: For those hard-to-shop-for on your gift lists...

I am announcing the official opening of Third Half Studios website and store, we are open for business! Everything we sell is not quite up yet, those items will be trickling in the next few days and weeks, but our best sellers are up there now.
Happy Black Friday everybody - Bang a gong!
http://www.thirdhalfstudios.com/





22nd May 2009

Fri, 12:11 pm: Super Action Zeppo - Now with even more Commodore!

me: "The doctor seemed impressed with your recovery so far."
"Well the explanation is - I AM amazing!"

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Current Mood: home again, home again, jiggety jig


13th May 2009

Wed, 2:18 pm: An open letter to the creators of NOVA

To whom it may concern,

Let me first say that as an annoying intellectual type who gets a boner every time she hears the words "lost civilization," I have enjoyed nearly all of your documentary efforts thus far.
 

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7th May 2009

Thu, 5:10 pm: Commodore update

As some of you may or may not know the Commodore suffered a small hemorrhagic stroke about a week ago.  Dutifully I hopped a plane to Portland to take care of things out this way.  The only damage that occurred happened in his language center.  His motor skills and logic centers are mercifully unaffected.  The woman at the rehab place where he is (as he puts it) "incarcerated" says she is impressed with his recovery overall and his prognosis is good.
It is interesting to see in real time his brain try and re-route around the damage, while he searches for the word that he means and his brain replaces it with something that seems related.  It is pretty fascinating really.

Of course this makes his already bizarre discourse all the more entertaining, if not more confusing.  I have to explain to the staff frequently that he was "like this before the stroke."

So without further ado, direct quotes from the Commodore:

me: Dad what are you doing?
(while pulling a bottle from a panel in his desk) I am having a little gin.
me: Are you crazy, you can't have that!
no it's okay... it is after 3:00.

me: (walking in on him surfing porn) Dad!!! for the love of God please shut that off right now!
What? you don't want to watch this?
me: No, I really really don't!
Is it beause she isn't a natural blonde?

I still haven't gotten my stuff from the Veterans's administration, so I thought you could write your friend for me and ask him to help me out.
me: What friend are you referring to?
You know that guy you worked for and like so much, he has the good looking wife and kids...
me: Are you talking about President Obama?
That's it!

You know I have a lot to offer a woman...
me: Like being feeble and verbose?
I am also very tall.

You know I still can't believe your mother went all "rogue" on me before she died.
me: Are you talking about her converting to Catholicism?
Yeah

You know I watched the woman put the code in to shut alarm off for the front door (rehab) last night - I think I can make a break for it.

me: I don't understand why we have to drive all the way to the urologist's office when we can just pay this bill over the phone?
We HAVE to go there, you need to drive me right now!
me: But why?  There is a phone number right here on the bill?
(yelling and shaking his fist) Don't you understand?! I am in love with the receptionist!
me:  I thought you were in love with that woman at the dentist office.
oh yeah... well, I love her too.





 



 



Current Mood: beat all to hell


11th March 2009

Wed, 12:00 pm: really not listening

This is the nearly identical conversation I just had with TWO of the major credit companies, I am frankly afraid to call the third.

"Hello this is 'insert name here' credit company, how can I help you?"

me - "Good Morning, my mother is recently deceased and we were notified yesterday that an account had been fraudulently opened in her name. I have filed ID Theft case with the Social Security administration and spoken to the State Attorney General's office about how to proceed. They both recommended that in addition to sending the death certificate to the companies involved in trying to collect the debt, that we also send a copy of the death certificate to all three credit companies however it was strongly suggested we send them certified mail - return receipt requested. All I am able to locate for your company is a PO Box, do you happen to have a street address?"

"I am afraid I cannot help you with your mother's account, she will need to call us herself to address any problems or concerns with her credit report."

me - "Well since my mother is playing cards with JESUS right now, I think she is a bit busy to phone.

Current Mood: Serenity now.


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